Woke up in a cold sweat remembering Wayne Selden pushing the button on his right thigh stenciled "press to explode” and nothing happening.
Standing in a line at a CVS pharmacy, I flashed that the checker was a footer in a UK jersey that kept swatting my debit card into the card swipe and charging me a $100 bucks for $7.00 container of Somerset’s shaving oil.
While standing in line for a beer I hallucinated Cal pulling me a draft and saying, “Before we beat you by 40, can I have a hug.”
Flashed I was on "Dating Naked” and paired with Olivia Wilde and she said, “I don’t do Jayhawks any more.”
Late at night I find Coach K desperately rummaging through my hermetically sealed high school mimeo playbook from 1970 looking for something that might work against when Duke meets UK, and when I confront him, he says, “Kiss me, fool!”
Ashley Judd without make up forces herself on me.
UK fans with cracked teeth and Downs Syndrome tie me naked to a hot still and let the Wildcat mascot lick me with its big, scratchy tongue.
David Berst of the NCAA gives KU the death penalty for NOT cheating. Self is reduced to sobbing and saying that he did not know KU was not cheating.
Kate Upton and Gigi Hadid announce they were about to double down on me until they saw my Jayhawk tat and said they're Wildcat fans after the beat down.
Thought I saw the ghost of Naismith weeping in the moonlight by Potters Lake.
(Note: all fiction. No malice.)
