Offer season ticket holders 120% of face value today for season tickets this season, then resell them tomorrow for 150% of face value.
Tell Cindy she won't be seeing Bill much until after KU wins the ring next April.
Tell adidas we will wear the stupid looking uniforms as a quid pro quo for Ingram.
Thank Pitino and Bo for letting adidas stack Self this season, and promise that we will step aside each of the next seasons for them to take their turns at being stacked.
Lay down unprecedentedly massive bets on KU beating Schlocka Smart every meeting this coming season.
Console Perry about not getting to play the 3 AGAIN!
Email DARPA to begin microwave mind control transmissions to Frank Mason to feed Ingram every time down the floor.
Text message DARPA to begin microwave mind control transmissions to Diallo to sign with KU tomorrow.
Facetime DARPA to begin microwave mind control transmissions to the President and all the Presidential candidates NOT to say or do anything to start a war, or trigger a melt-down into martial law that might pre-empt KU's championship season.
Call Danny and ask him to teach Landen a jump hook this summer for when Ingram occasionally dishes it to him off a drive.
Email the Drake Group to hold another presser about UNC's "easy course" scandal.
Remember, Brandon is not the next Lebron, or the next Wigs, but the first Brandon.
(Note all fiction. No malice. Repeat after me, Brandon: KU!!!!!!!)