So while Duke and UK clear the roads of all possible dump trucks (terminology from @jaybate-1.0 ) , Kansas prepares to do what Kansas does best.... dumpster diving.
And though it is a less glamorous recruiting process, we've managed to eat pretty well off of package-damaged ramen noodles and canned beans before. Chef Self will have to scour the country for dumpsters with the most flies to come up with a meal fit for a king. Lobster may not be an option any longer, but at least he can make dishes that will keep longer than a few hours.
We all need to put on our waders and help locate lunch. Some pompous university is about to slip up and leave the cream out too long or take an expiration date too seriously and will create an opportunity for Chef Self to swoop in and snag our next meal. Self already has a bunch of Hamburger Helper (returning players) to help flavor up a big slab of meat needed for the post. Mmmmm.... I can taste it now! The next "Tartare Tarik!"