THE BATE GROUP 1.0 would like to announce its fake incorporation as a not-for-profit 501.c3 corporation instituted to advocate for "epistemic integrity in 501.c3 sports advocacy.”
(Note: It would like to incorporate, but it cannot yet actually incorporate, as such, so it is pretending to have done so for the sake of this fake announcement.)
The roots of THE BATE GROUP 1.0 go back 20 years to a meeting held inside the mind of our founder, Oswald Bate III, who was then among a lunatic fringe of faculty members seeking reform of their outer worlds via 501.c3 sports advocacy exclusively from inside their inner worlds.
Our founder reputedly invited imaginary professors of sports business, imaginary board members of sports advocacy organizations, imaginary members of advisory groups and of sports sanctioning organizations, and so on to a meeting in the same delusional hotel in his mind as that visited by Jack Nicholson's character in Stanley Kubrick’s "The Shining." Out of this imaginary but momentous meeting arose The National Association of Imaginary 501.c3 Sports Reform and Advocacy Groups (NAI501.c3SR&AG).
Over the years THE BATE GROUP 1.0 has, despite its fakes, spearheaded advocacy for reform in 501.c3 sports advocacy.
Recently, THE BATE GROUP 1.0 has become “in imaginary residence” at all leading universities with ties to private oligarchic power that seek to use 501.c3 sports advocacy as a trojan horse for advancing regime change throughout collegiate sports and through 501c.3 sports advocacy itself.
THE BATE GROUP 1.0 has many, many policy positions on many, many issues beyond our slogan of “advocating epistemic integrity in 501.c3 sports advocacy.”
Foremost among our policy commitments is opposition to the use of 501.c3 sports advocacy organizations to destabilize sports regimes so as to create job openings for pet coach candidates.
But that just scratches the surface of what we at the ever so fake THE BATE GROUP 1.0 hope to advocate for (and against) ludicrously down the road.
Welcome to the era of fake not-for-profit 501.c3 Sports Advocacy reform.
Please give generously, even though we don’t need it, because we are being strongly supported by certain fake axes of private oligarchy that have lots of secret fraternities and make their members appear naked in kinky rituals when young in hopes of building a cadre of seemingly respectable weirdoes that can be coerced later in life into pursuing control of the college sports goose that is laying a golden egg.
(Note: All fiction. No malice.)
