I've had a long, hard day at work. I'm tired. I'm driving home and all I can think about is a plate of grub then jumping in bed for a long snooze.
I'm driving too fast. I always drive fast at 6pm. It is my time to race home.
The light is green. It just turned green so there is no reason why I should slow down as I approach it. If I do slow, it might flip to yellow and I'm stuck wasting another 2 minutes of my life... when I'm tired!
What am I gonna eat tonight? Frozen pizza? Frozen burrito? A little easy pasta...
Oh.. whaaa.. oh, no!!!! OH F$%K! (Semi-truck is running the red at high speed and about to smash me into bits. He must be thinking about frozen pizza, too!)
NOBODY TOLD ME ABOUT THE MONSTROUS CRASH THAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN!
WRONG! I'm here to tell you about the worst crash in world history, and it is coming our way in March of 2014!
No... it isn't the plummeting stock market! No... it isn't a horrific sunami approaching the coast! No... it isn't frozen oranges in Florida getting ready to spike the price of orange juice!
It is the NCAA March Madness Madness! It's going to crash! Basketball fans are going to jump out their windows!
This is like watching in slow motion... a crash coming in our near future! And no preventive measures taking place now to prevent it. No mumbling from the NCAA Head Office on how the officiating is going down in March!
So fans are wondering now... what is going down in March? We experienced the beginning of this year with all the tick-tack fouls being called... fouling out players left and right, putting teams to the free throw line for eternity... extending games so long our home DVRs missed half the game... completely destroying the continuity of games... ending real defense...
The sports media and NCAA spoke with the same drum: "college players would have to adjust their games." The contact had been getting too rough. All those hand checks were causing injuries... like sprained fingers. So players and coaches studied their options. How can we win with these new guidelines? How can we best take advantage of the changes so we can win more games? They noticed that defense had largely gone away. The charge call (as they knew it) had become obsolete. If an offensive player even thought about driving, the defensive player would have had to already be set in position. Not realistic rules for defenders. But it wasn't put in place to create defense. It was put in place to DESTROY defense! And it did an excellent job of doing that! Or did it? Players and coaches are competitive. They want to win and they know they can't win consistently without some defense. So how would they defeat this impossible rule that went against the defense picking up a charge call? The undertone to the changes mentioned the safety of the players. Hmmmm... So if the defender were to say... fall down and get hurt... the rule interpretation might start bringing back the charge call for the defender! Brilliant strategy!
Around this time, league play had begun across America. Now the games counted! No more experimental lineups and playing out the entire bench. It was time to buckle down and win games. Officials felt the heat of coaches and home crowds from across the country. No one wanted all the tick-tack foul calls any longer. So they had to bend but not break. They backed off and started allowing hand checks again as long as the dribbler wasn't impeded. And now half of college basketball was flopping all over courts like catfish just pulled into the boat! And every flopped player was suddenly hurt! And then players like Marcus Smart realized that offensive players could flop, too! And he proved just how effective it was (and is). And why not go for the grand prize of them all... the flagrant2 call! Suddenly, Marcus Smart's neck became so bouncy he earned the name (and song) "Rubberband Man!"
When Marcus started rubbernecking in games Oklahoma State was highly-ranked. Teams from across this great land started watching OSU games to see what they had. And what did they have? They had an actor that was capable of winning over 3 to 5 possessions a game by flopping. They had an actor capable of having another player thrown out of a game, or at least attracting an extra foul and putting Marcus to the line for 2 shots and the ball out! Suddenly, Marcus became Professor Smart... teaching players from around the country on how to play Smart basketball!
As conference play has played out, the drive to win games grows stronger as league champions are making their way to the top of their conferences. Players from across the country are putting their acting skills into practice. They are getting results. They are winning games because they split away from basketball practice to attend acting practice! Meanwhile, officials are taking out more time to go to the monitor to study the play. This is eating college basketball away like cancer!
So here we are.. about a month out from March Madness Madness... and it is quiet. The storm is brewing, but it is quiet now. No one is talking about it. No one is planning for what is to come. No one is yelling, "hey, watch it! That semi isn't hitting his brakes!"
I'm changing that now. I'm letting the Jayhawk Nation (and the entire world) know...
"HEY, WATCH IT! THAT SEMI ISN'T HITTING HIS BRAKES!"