🏀 KuBuckets Archive

Daily reader/frequent lurker/occasional contributor/first-time thread creator here.

So, if memory serves (and that's debatable), in the first meeting between KU and KSU at Allen Fieldhouse, Bruce Weber had a bit of a meltdown after an early time-out in the first half. Disgusted at the lack of inspired play against an in-state rival, Weber threw his clipboard to the hardwood and proceeded to rip into his team, his face turning a semi-eggplant hue not unlike a certain KU coach I know when he's angry. His reaction was so unlike Bruce Weber that even the announcers were taken aback by his bombastic display, making a comment to that effect.

Assuming for the sake of this post that Weber in indeed on thin ice as coach of KSU and is looking at this as a must-win, and assuming that KU eventually takes care of business, just what kind of fireworks do you think we might see out of Weber should KSU come out flat or fade down the stretch? Does he go all Earl Weaver on is team, screaming nose-to-nose in a spittle fight to the death? Does he do his best Bob Knight imitation, hurling a piece of unbolted furniture across the court? Does he channel Latrell Sprewell and pretend every member of his team looks like PJ Carlesimo's throat? Or does he reprise Ron Artest's lowest of many career low points and lunge into the stands to attack the first fan he sees decked out in crimson or blue?

@tis4tim Is Ron Artest's lowest point his name change?

@tis4tim I'm not sure he has anything left.

@tis4tim

I am not sure losing today will make his situation any worse but winning will definitely help.

@tis4tim

That was some hilarious visions!

Ron Artest? PHOF!

Is he still over playing for the Sichuan Blue Whales in China? Exhibiting some of that "Metta World Peace?" Did anyone ever tell him it's not always safe to be a Buddhist in China?!

@tis4tim

Welcome.

(Cue very weird musical theme)

Some call me 'batetradamus.

Here are some of my predictions for what Bruce Weber will, and will not, do tonight to try to inspire his players toward a victory that cannot happen in this universe.

1.) Bruce Weber will wear a life like. latex Bill Self mask to try to fool his players into thinking they have a coach that knows what he is doing.

2.) He will deliver his pregame and half time inspirational speeches in Liki, a critically endangered language that is spoken on only a few Islands near Indonesia, in order to keep his players from knowing he has nothing inspiring to say.

3.) He will reveal to his players that his helmet hair is actually and incomprehensibly complex comb over taught him by Gene Keady in hopes that its technical virtuosity would inspire his teams to believe in the feckless plays he draws up.

4.) He will reprogram his cell phone ring tone to something other than "Nowhere Man" by John Lennon and Paul McCartney.

5) He will cheer for both baskets the team scores during the game.

6.) He will not wear his favorite custom made dress shirt with the monogrammed pocket that reads "failure."

7.) He will not stand around muttering in the huddle how much he wished Snacks still worked for him, so he could get some talent.

8.) He will not challenge his players to "leave it all out in the experimental barn" for him.

9.) He will wear nose glasses and pretend to be a new coach, so his players will once again believe in what he tells them to do.

10.) He will threaten suicide and not be stopped.

These are just a few of the many predictions of 'batetradamus.

(Cue very weird musical theme and fade out.)

(Note: all fiction and comedy. No malice. Rock Chalk!!!!!)

@tis4tim You get a PHOF on your first thread. Had me laughing!! Good work!!