🏀 KuBuckets Archive

New thread for message of the day quotes. Give us your best quotes... KU ball, sports, or otherwise of interest...

"Life itself is a quotation." --Jorge Luis Borges

"Short sentences drawn from long experience." --Miguel de Cervantes

"Patch grief with proverbs; make misfortune drunk..." --William Shakespeare, Much Ado About Nothing, c.1598

"A wise word is not a substitute for a piece of herring. --Sholom Aleichem

"The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth." --Niels Bohr

"The proper proportions of a maxim: a minimum of sound to a maximum of sense."--Mark Twain

"I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation."--George Bernard Shaw

"I really didn't say everything I said."--Yogi Berra

"You can observe a lot just by watching."

• Yogi Berra

And another Yogi-ism, tho I might not have recalled the proper syntax: "It ain't over til it's over."

@REHawk More Yogi:

"Think! How the hell are you gonna think and hit at the same time?"

"The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase."

My father said this of his father. "The older I got, the smarter he got."

@JayhawkRock78-Profound wisdom for sure.

@globaljaybird thanks Global. he was a huge KU bBall fan. Sure miss talking to him about it. The smartest thing I've done lately was fly back and take him to Late Night at the PHOG.Very fitting our last event was a trip to AFH.

"If the NBA were on channel 5 and a bunch of frogs making love were on channel 4, I'd watch the frogs, even if they were coming in fuzzy."

~ Bobby Knight

"My motto was always to keep swinging. Whether I was in a slump or feeling badly or having trouble off the field, the only thing to do was keep swinging."

~ Hank Aaron

"A champion is someone who gets up when he can't."

~ Jack Dempsey

"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."

~Michael Jordan

"When my time on Earth is gone, and my activities here are past, I want them to bury me upside down, and my critics can kiss my ass."

~ Any guesses? Of course, Bobby Knight

When you come to a fork on the road, take it - Yogi Berra

"There has never been a sadness that couldn't be cured by breakfast food."

Ron Swanson

Parks & Recreation

"Enough talking heads spoil a game."
--jaybate 1.0

@nuleafjhawk Ron Swanson is the BEST!!! 43 best Ron Swanson quotes ↗

"Out witting Scott Drew at coaching is like outwitting Rebel Wilson at dieting."
--jaybate

@approxinfinity

"You can't live a perfect day without doing something for someone who will never be able to repay you."

John Wooden

@approxinfinity

"God guided me to America and gave me a good job. But he also gave me a heart so I would look back."

Manute Bol

@approxinfinity

"When you go out there and do the things you're supposed to do, people view you as selfish."

Wilt Chamberlain

@approxinfinity

"Son, just what kind of pitch would you like to miss."

Dizzy Dean

@approxinfinity

"All the time he's boxing, he's thinking. All the time he was thinking, I was hitting him."

Jack Dempsey

@approxinfinity

"I came to my first Colts training camp in July of 1950, and it was murder, absolute murder. We had a coach named Clem Crow who must have been nuts. You got to remember that I'd been a Marine, had gone through basic training and spent 26 months in the Pacific during WWII, but the Marine drill instructors had nothing on Clem."

Art Donovan

@approxinfinity

"I hate to blow my own horn, but I gave a lot of people fits."

Bo Jackson

@approxinfinity

"When you get to that level, it's not a matter of talent anymore - because all the players are so talented - it's about preparation, about playing smart and making good decisions."

Hakeem Olajuwon

"It is true because it is fact"

Bugs Bunny

@approxinfinity

"It's a direct reflection of Coach," former KU point guard Elijah Johnson said before last season's title No. 9 and might as well have spoken for all 10. "The people who were doing it eight years ago are not doing it now. He's still there. I feel like that has to mean something. He's doing something right. I just appreciate the fact that he tries to shed the light on us and make it look like it's us who's doing it. When all of us know who it really is, the head honcho."

Well said EJ!

The great person is ahead of their time, the smart make something out of it, and the blockhead, sets themselves against it.

Jean Baudrillard

"In the synthetic reality of watching a game on a computer with the televised game remotely simulated in pixels of one virtual window and the alias dialogue of a live blog simulated in the pixels of a another, simultaneous virtual window, reality itself becomes a meta-simulacrum."

jaybate simulating the sign Jean Baudrillard after the banal shock of the Neo-New wore off

A fact is something that can be known while misunderstanding persists.

jaybate

@approxinfinity

"In college, I probably lost a total of about 11 games, and then I came to the Celtics and in my first three weeks we went on a nine-game losing streak."

Paul Pierce

@approxinfinity

"Pro basketball is a very mercenary endeavor."

Rick Majerus

@approxinfinity

"If I weren't earning $3 million a year to dunk a basketball, most people on the street would run in the other direction if they saw me coming."

Charles Barkley

"Persons that don't like basketball either haven't seen it, or should be viewed as having character flaws."

jaybate

"Basketball is not a distraction from life. Life is a distraction from basketball."

jaybate

"I could be happy practicing most any religion, but preferring football to basketball is unthinkable."

jaybate

"I am not a one dimensional person, but if I were, basketball would be that one dimension."

jaybate

@jaybate 1.0 You probably meant that as a joke, but I seriously feel that way. Especially KU Basketball. Whenever I meet someone that does not like KU basketball, I automatically don't trust them.

Same way for fishing. If they like fishing, they must be OK, if they don't like it, they've probably never been.

@nuleafjhawk "I'll take all the eggs and bacon you have" - Ron Swanson

@HawkInMizery - Just give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Wait, wait. I'm worried what you just heard was, "Give me a lot of bacon and eggs." What I said was, "Give me all the bacon and eggs you have". Do you understand?

@nuleafjhawk "I call this turf ‘n’ turf. It’s a 16 oz T-bone and a 24 oz porterhouse. Also, whiskey and a cigar. I am going to consume all of this at the same time because I am a free American."

@nuleafjhawk On the record...I like fishing. :-)

@jaybate 1.0 I knew it!!

Actually, (when we were on the "other" site) I recall you telling me of a memorable childhood fishing trip. I really enjoyed that story and knew then that you were a great guy!

“It’s my third year here. To be able to clinch at home, that would be good for the fans, good for Kansas, good for the players and most importantly, coach,” Naadir Tharpe

"When you’re doing something interesting, time flies,” Black said. “That’s how this season’s been. It’s been so intriguing and so interesting and just so fun that time has really flown by.” Tarik Black 2014

At one point in your life you either have the thing you want or the reasons why you don't

Andy Roddick

"If practice makes perfect, and no one is perfect, why practice?"

Winning means you're willing to go longer, work harder, and give more than anyone else.

Vince Lombardi

Pain is only temporary but victory is forever.

Don't practice until you get it right. Practice until you can't get it wrong.

When you put on that jersey, the name on the front is more important then the name on the back.

"Coaching is about preparing kids not to be able to play, when they are as old as you."

jaybate

" Opinions are just that, opinions, and as such they are not right or wrong. We all have them and hopefully sharing them makes us see other valid points of view. This is what forums are all about."

JayHawkFanToo

" Why can't we be friends? " (repeat x 3)

" I know you're working for the C.I.A. "

" They wouldn't have you in the mafia "

" Why can't we be friends? " (repeat x2)

WAR (and nuleafjhawk)

" Why can't we all just get along? " Rodney King (and nuleafjhawk)

If you put your effort and concentration into playing to your potential, to be the best that you can be, I don't care what the scoreboard says at the end of the game, in my book we're gonna be winners.
--Coach Norman Dale, Hickory Hoosiers

There's a, um tradition in tournament play- not talk about the next step until you've climbed the one in front of you. I'm sure going to the state finals is beyond your wildest dreams, so let's just keep it right there.

--Coach Norman Dale, Hickory Hoosiers

You know, most people would kill... to be treated like a god, just for a few moments

--Coach Norman Dale, Hickory Hoosiers

I would hope you would support who we are. Not, who we are not. These six (18) individuals have made a choice to work, a choice to sacrifice, to put themselves on the line 23 (33+) nights for the next 4 (5) months, to represent you, this high school (college). That kind of commitment and effort deserves and demands your respect. This is your team.

--Coach Norman Dale, Hickory Hoosiers

Survive and advance - Jim Valvano

"Yes. I am the fan No. 1 of KU." Col. Thomas Embid

@approxinfinity

"Success is never final, failure is never fatal. It's courage that counts."

John Wooden

@approxinfinity

"I'm no wizard, and I don't like being thought of in that light at all. I think of a wizard as being some sort of magician or something, doing something on the sly or something, and I don't want to be thought of in that way."

John Wooden

@approxinfinity

"The main ingredient of stardom is the rest of the team."

John Wooden

@approxinfinity

"My background playing soccer gave me a natural advantage over many of the American-born players."

Hakeem Olajuwon

@approxinfinity

“He never makes you go home hating him, you can hate him all day, but at the end he lets you know it’s family. He gets that across. Some people need to hate him to be successful, and some people need to get along with him to be successful. He knows the difference.”

Elijah Johnson

@globaljaybird These are great quotes! thanks.

"A life of frustration is inevitable for any coach whose main enjoyment is winning."

• Chuck Noll (Steelers Coach)

"Wisdom is always an overmatch for strength."

-Phil Jackson (NBA Coach)

"Nothing will work unless you do."

• John Wooden (Basketball Coach)

"Good, better, best. Never let it rest. Until your good is better and your better is best."

• Tim Duncan (NBA MVP)

"Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles."

• Alex Karras (Football Player)

"I always felt that my greatest asset was not my physical ability, it was my mental ability."

• Bruce Jenner (Track and Field Athlete, Motivational Speaker)

"When I step onto the court, I don't have to think about anything. If I have a problem off the court, I find that after I play, my mind is clearer and I can come up with a better solution. It's like therapy. It relaxes me and allows me to solve problems."

-Michael Jordan (Basketball Legend)

"Difficulties in life are intended to make us better, not bitter."

• Dan Reeves (Former NFL athlete and head coach)

"Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterward."

• Vernon Law (Former Pirates pitcher)

"If you can’t accept losing, you can’t win."
- Vince Lombardi (Legendary Football Coach)

"You don't play against opponents, you play against the game of basketball."

• Bobby Knight (Winningist Div. I Basketball Coach)

Random internet poster,"your a idiot."

I don't hate all the time, but when I do hate, I hate Missouri Tiger fans.

Stay Victorious my friends

I give all my players lots of development minutes: they're called "practices".

Bill Self (as made up by me)

Life's tragedy is that we get old too soon and wise too late.

• Benjamin Franklin

"The strength of the team is each individual member. The strength of each member is the team."

• Phil Jackson

"There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life."

Frank Zappa

"Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the mouth."

Mike Tyson

"It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it."
-W. Somerset Maugham

"If you do not expect the unexpected you will not find it, for it is not to be reached by search or trail."
--Heraclitus

"Men who wish to know about the world must learn about it in its particular details."
--Heraclitus

"Justice will overtake fabricators of lies and false witnesses."
--Heraclitus

"Wise kings generally have wise counselors; and he must be a wise man himself who is capable of distinguishing one."

--Diogenes

"Many historical truths are false."
--jaybate

"A conspiracy theory is whatever someone is incentivized not to want to hear." --jaybate

"A friend is one soul abiding in two bodies."
--Diogenes

"All empires require an endless string of weaker opponents, or they collapse from within."--jaybate

"If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid."
--Epictetus

@jaybate 1.0 A variance on my own thought that " A conspiracy theory is any theory that does not agree with mine ". nuleafjhawk. lol

"All religions must be tolerated... for every man must get to heaven in his own way."
--Epictetus

@nuleafjhawk

Your's is the better turned epigram. Thanks for sharing it.

"Skillful pilots gain their reputation from storms and tempest."
--Epicurus

"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY & they meet at the bar."

Drew Carey

"Two possibilities exist: Either we are alone in the Universe or we are not. Both are equally terrifying."

Arthur C. Clarke

"Have no fear of perfection—you'll never reach it."

Salvador Dali

"In a real dark night of the soul it is always three o'clock in the morning, day after day."

F. Scott Fitzgerald

(this one freaked me out a little - whenever i wake up in the night with bad dreams or whatever, it's ALWAYS 3:00 am)

"You can't write a good song about a whorehouse unless you've been in one."

Woody Guthrie

I lived to play basketball. Growing up as a kid, Bill Russell and the Boston Celtics were my favorite team. The way they played, the teamwork, the sacrifice, the commitment, the joy, the camaraderie, the relationship with the fans.

Bill Walton

What is a soul? It's like electricity - we don't really know what it is, but it's a force that can light a room.

Ray Charles

Democracy is two wolves and a lamb.
Liberty is a well-armed lamb.

B. Franklin

"Discovery consists in seeing what everyone else has seen and thinking what no one else has thought."
- Albert Szent-Gyvrgyi, Nobel Prize for Medicine 1937

We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid.

Benjamin Franklin

...............Nah, it ain't that tough Ben.

Football is a expensive, ritualized way to give college students brain damage.

--jaybate 1.0

You can fool some of the people some of the time, but you can fool all of the KU football fans all of the time.

Football was created to rid society of the threat of large, aggressive and intelligent males.

--jaybate 1.0

American politics lack broadly distributed corruption.

--jaybate 1.0

KU football is a religion. Fans believe it can be saved, despite all proof to the contrary.

--jaybate

@jaybate-1.0
If you can fool all the KU football fans all of the time, wouldn't Memorial Stadium always be full?

No malice.

There is nothing ailing America that some fairness couldn't cure.

--jaybate 1.0

Fracking def. extracting gas from coal by polluting aquifers.

--jaybate 1.0

Why do lone gunmen only successfully assassinate leaders redistributing wealth downward?

--jaybate 1.0

@jaybate-1.0 Being the highly intuitive being that I am, I sense that there's a sad story waiting to be written about why you are not the world's biggest football fan. I'd be interested to hear it sometime if you're up to talking about it....

@approxinfinity
Watch what people are cynical about, and one can often discover what they lack.

George S. Patton

@approxinfinity I hate to hear 'Less is more.' It's a crock of crap.

R. Lee Ermey

Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude.

Zig Ziglar

We need to understand the difference between discipline and punishment. Punishment is what you do to someone; discipline is what you do for someone.

Zig Ziglar

@approxinfinity People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily.

Zig Ziglar

@approxinfinity
Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get.

Dale Carnegie

@approxinfinity

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Eleanor Roosevelt

@globaljaybird I don't know man - you coming up with all these awesome quotes is kinda making me feel inferior.....lol

"Sunk costs in often unnecessary enterprises that keep a half percent of humanity rich make the world go round…a circling drain."

—jaybate 1.0

"Football is a head injury in a helmet happening to every player on every play, so that money can be made and autumn enjoyed at a tailgate.”

—jaybate 1.0

“The mid range game is for suckers.”

—jaybate 1.0

“Ask not what your rim protector can do for you. Ask what you can do for your rim protector.”

—jaybate 1.0

@nuleafjhawk No matter who leaf; Zig is one of my all time favs because he is a very devout & outspoken Christian. Sorry for the typo. Hush now, we gotta keep the lid tight to be PC!! Keep the Faith !!

"I know a Man Who Can."

This has been my stomping ground during this year's off season.

Enjoy.

@globaljaybird Great story. As far as the actual song, I don't normally go for that type of music, but I can honestly say that I really, really enjoyed that song. I've noticed that pretty much anything that is truthful and beautiful is worth the time!

@approxinfinity
Dogs are our link to paradise. They don't know evil or jealousy or discontent.

Milan Kundera

@approxinfinity
Dogs notice, they share, they draw conclusions, they like it when they're able to be of service and are touchingly grateful when they're praised.

Roger Ebert

" You think I'll have a hard time finding tickets for the KU vs Texas game? "

my stupid brother in law

@approxinfinity When dogs fulfill their roles they are ecstatically happy.

Robert Crais

@nuleafjhawk "Phil, I wanna pick your brain" My stupid brother in law.

"An ounce of immunity is worth a pound of prevention and a ton of cure."

--jaybate 1.0

"Zone defense and Bill Self are like John Boehner and Barack Obama. Even when you see them together, they are not really acknowledging the legitimacy of the other."

--jaybate 1.0

@approxinfinity

"Worst case: we get a guy who doesn't have the talent of Wigs, but leaves it all on the floor every game."
..... KUSTEVE

@approxinfinity I think Steve's quote needs a PHOF !!

"And if I had three thumbs, they'd all be up !"

globaljaybird

@jaybate-1.0 "And if America ever needed an enema, Washington DC is where they'd put the tube !"

globaljaybird

@approxinfinity The way a team plays as a whole determines its success. You may have the greatest bunch of individual stars in the world, but if they don't play together, the club won't be worth a dime.

Babe Ruth

@approxinfinity Baseball is the only field of endeavor where a man can succeed three times out of ten and be considered a good performer.

Ted Williams

@approxinfinity
It helps if the hitter thinks you're a little crazy.

Nolan Ryan

Even if you meet the Buddha in the lane... feed him the damn ball.

Phil Jackson

@approxinfinity Groucho Marx (1890-1977):

'I never forget a face, but in your case I’d be glad to make an exception.'
Groucho Marx (1890-1977)

@approxinfinity
" A wise old owl sat on an oak,
The more he saw the less he spoke;
The less he spoke the more he heard;
Why aren't we like that wise old bird? "

Edward H. Richards

@approxinfinity Years ago while in a heated exchange with my youngest son in reference to his poor grades in hs, he blasted out, "Well I didn't ask to be born!"
I swiftly & tartly replied, " You're damn lucky you didn't, 'cause the answer would have been NO !!"
globaljaybird

Forgive me if I may have posted this in the past, It is an oldie but goodie, noteworthy of a repost.

"There's many a slip twixt the cup of the lip."

Old Mother jaybird

"A friend is one who knows who you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you become, and still gently invites you to grow." Anonymous

@approxinfinity Another classic that Mother jaybird said when we were young,

"Keep your temper to yourself; no one else wants it."

"Here, then, is the key. There is no key. There is not even a lock."

-jaybate 1.0

"A bird in the hand should be allowed to fly away."

--jaybate 1.0

"When you are thrown under a bus, lay very flat between the wheel tracks and let it go by; then call in your IOUs."

-jaybate 1.0

"If I could have anything, I would have everything that felt good and hurt no one and helped someone."

jaybate 1.0

"Waiting for basketball season to start is like waiting for sex without foreplay."

--jaybate 1.0

"When you get to a fork in the road, take it" - Yogi Berra.

@approxinfinity There are two kinds of people, those who do the work, and those who take the credit. Try to be in the first group; there is less competition there. Indira Gandhi

Be not simply good; be good for something. Henry David Thoreau

You were born as an original. Don't die as a copy. Anon

@globaljaybird That "Anon" dude comes up with some really good ones!

" Can someone please tell me what the hell direction the wind is actually blowing ? "

Jack Cantele

@approxinfinity It only takes a day to find a friend, a swift moment to lose them, but an entire lifetime to forget them.
Anon

@approxinfinity The older I get, the smarter my Dad gets.
Mark Twain

@approxinfinity A successful man makes more money than his woman can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Anon

All of us get lost in the darkness

Dreamers learn to steer by the stars

All of us do time in the gutter

Dreamers turn to look at the cars

From "The Pass" by Rush

"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." - Oscar Wilde

"Always remember that Bill Walsh was 2-14 once. But only once.”

-jaybate 1.0

“Always remember that Bill Self was 6-21 once. But only once.”

jaybate 1.0

"The most important thing to learn from failure is how not to fail again."

jaybate 1.0

“Putting a team on the back of an OAD with a low foundation is like playing Russian Roulette with a 9MM Beretta and a full clip.”

—jaybate 1.0

“You can make a shooter take it, but you can’t make him make it.”

—jaybate 1.0

“One forearm smash is worth an Urban Dictionary of trash talking.”

—jaybate 1.0

“Dunk means never having to say you’re sorry.”

—jaybate 1.0

“One way to recognize coaches cheating at recruiting is that they tend to have more talent than coaching skill.”

—jaybate 1.0

“It is easier to take the play ground out of a player than it is to take the suburb out of a player.”

—jaybate 1.0

“The greatest threat to the current African American dominance of basketball is the African American migration to the suburbs.”

—jaybate 1.0

“Big Sports Media and Big Sports Gaming are two sides of the same vig.”

—jaybate 1.0

“Slumps are periods of time when everyone knows what you are doing wrong but you.”

—jaybate 1.0

"An epigram is something you could have said with more words but didn't."

jaybate 1.0

"Many try to prove they are extraordinary. I seek to prove the ordinary can be extraordinary."

--jaybate 1.0

Everyone you meets is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always. Author unknown

True STRENGTH is smiling when you want to cry, laughing to hide the pain, and going on, NO matter what. Author Unknown

Do NOT handicap your children, by making their lives EASY! Robert A. Heinlein

We will never have a perfect world, but it's not romantic or naive to work toward a better one.

Steven Pinker

"I never thought I'd see the day when the conversation on KUSports.com became more interesting than this site..."

--Anonymous

"KUsports.com is dead to me"

Me

@nuleafjhawk said:

"KUsports.com is dead to me"
Me

= = = = = =

I Agree ... They have VERY, Very few postings on their "Basketball" articles. I think it "KUsports.com" started circling the drain when their best article writer went to Topeka and joined the Topeka Journal team [??] ... What's his name?? JESSEE NEWELL !! He did a decent job and earned the respect of a number of followers.

All I can say is ... when the 'Last One' leaves ... "Turn off the Lights!"

@RedRooster I agree Red,only once a week if that often do even click on one of their stories.

"History is the past explained with agents, not principals."
-- jaybate 1.0

"History is a gallery of agents, not principals."
--jaybate 1.0

History is written by the victors. - Winston Churchill

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen - Winston Churchill

I am easily satisfied with the very best - Winston Churchill...l and probably every other coach in America.

Never give in, never give in, never; never; never; never - in nothing, great or small, large or petty - never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense - Winston Churchill

There are a terrible lot of lies going about the world, and the worst of it is that half of them are true - Winston Churchill...and John Calipari

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficult - Winston Churchill

History will be kind to me for I intend to write it - Winston Churchill...and Coach K

If you are going through hell, keep going - Winston Churchill...and T-Rob.

You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life - Winston Churchill...and several posters on the Forum...

I like Winston Churchill; he was one smart cookie - JayHawkFanToo

"Regardless of who wins, history is paid for by those with the most money."
--jaybate 1.0

"Events invariably take a sharp turn once those reading history cease believing those writing history."
--jaybate 1.0

"Bob Knight says you play the game of basketball, not an opponent. Perhaps, but I have rarely seen the game of basketball cheap shot anyone, when down 10 points."
--jaybate 1.0

@jaybate-1.0 History was always one of my favorite subjects in school.. Of course, there wasn't as much of it to learn back then.

That's a good one Nuleaf.

If I wake up in the morning breathing, it was a good night.
If I go to bed breathing, it was a good day.

Unknown

"Yes, Lady Astor I might be drunk, but you are ugly. Tomorrow, I will be sober."
-CHURCHILL-

@wrwlumpy
Love it, one of my all time favorites.

@approxinfinity People ask the difference between a leader and a boss.... The leader works in the open, and the boss in covert. The leader leads, and the boss drives.

Theodore Roosevelt

"The KU football coach is someone that signs for 5 years to work for two years for 4 years pay. Hence, KU will never have trouble finding the next new coach."
--jaybate 1.0

"The toughness and cohesiveness of a Bill Self team equals the number of weeks of boot camp times the square of the trash bag liners."

--jaybate 1.0

"Coach Weis ran 30 players without so much as a handshake.

KU runs Coach Weis and he gets millions.

Is this what our soldiers sacrifice their lives to protect?"

--jaybate 1.0

"You can lead a horse to water, you can't teach him to rebound."

--jaybate 1.0

"Beating Kentucky is like beating a crooked dealer in Vegas at 21. You shouldn't have to, but it feels good."

--jaybate 1.0

"No one ever got rich coaching winning football at KU, but Charlie Weis and Turner Gill got rich coachinglosing football."

--jaybate 1.0

"Coaching KU football is a license to print money losing."

-- jaybate 1.0

You can either pick yourself up by the bootstraps, or just lay there in the dirt and and cow shit.

JRyman

@approxinfinity Success is never final, failure is never fatal. It's courage that counts.

John Wooden

@approxinfinity Winning takes talent, to repeat takes character.

John Wooden

@approxinfinity I'd rather have a lot of talent and a little experience than a lot of experience and a little talent.

John Wooden

@globaljaybird that kinda goes against what most of these posters like?

@Crimsonorblue22 But this seems to be the way Bill wants it & he's the boss.

@approxinfinity You wouldn't have won if we'd beaten you.

Yogi Berra

Why are Wednesday's called hump day, when most people get laid on the weekends?

Unknown comedian

101 of the World's Funniest One Liners !!

1. Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
2. Borrow money from a pessimist -- they don't expect it back.
3. Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.
4. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
5. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
6. Never answer an anonymous letter.
7. It's lonely at the top; but you do eat better.
8. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
9. Always go to other people's funerals, or they won't go to yours.
10. Few women admit their age; few men act it.
11. If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made with meat?
12. No one is listening until you make a mistake.
13. Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
14. We have enough youth. How about a fountain of "Smart"?
15. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
16. Campers: Nature's way of feeding mosquitoes.
17. Always remember that you are unique; just like everyone else.
18. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
19. There are three kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't.
20. Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
21. Nuke the Whales.
22. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it.
23. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
24. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
25. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
26. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
27. Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
28. Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
29. The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
30. You can't have everything; where would you put it?
31. I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
32. Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?
33. We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
34. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
35. Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
36. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
37. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
38. Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.
39. My mind is like a steel trap, rusty and illegal in 37 states.
40. Nothing is fool proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
41. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
42. I've only been wrong once, and that's when I thought I was wrong.
43. God made mankind. Sin made him evil.
44. I don't find it hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere.
45. I just let my mind wander, and it didn't come back.
46. Don't steal. The government hates competition.
47. Humpty Dumpty was pushed.
48. National Atheist's Day April 1st.
49. All generalizations are false.
50. The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
51. Work is for people who don't know how to fish.
52. If you don't like the news, go out and make some.
53. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
54. IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you have got.
55. I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?
56. I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure.
57. I can handle pain until it hurts.
58. No matter where you go, you're there.
59. If everything is coming your way, then you're in the wrong lane.
60. It's been Monday all week.
61. Gravity always gets me down.
62. This statement is false.
63. Eschew obfuscation.
64. They told me I was gullible...and I believed them.
65. It's bad luck to be superstitious.
66. According to my best recollection, I don't remember.
67. The word "gullible" isn't in the dictionary.
68. Honk if you like peace and quiet.
69. The Big Bang Theory: God Spoke and BANG! it happened.
70. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
71. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
72. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
73. A day without sunshine is like, night.
74. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
75. Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
76. Gravity: It's not just a good idea, it's the LAW!
77. Life is too complicated in the morning.
78. We are all part of the ultimate statistic -- ten out of ten die.
79. Nobody's perfect. I'm a nobody.
80. Ask me about my vow of silence.
81. The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
82. The last thing on earth you want to do will be the last thing you do.
83. Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else get your way.
84. If ignorance is bliss, then tourists are in a constant state of euphoria.
85. If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving.
86. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
87. Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!
88. I intend to live forever. So far so good.
89. Who is "General Failure" and why is he reading my hard disk?
90. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
91. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
92. Energizer Bunny arrested; charged with battery.
93. I didn't use to finish sentences, but now I
94. I've had amnesia as long as I can remember.
95. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
96. Vacation begins when Dad says, "I know a short cut."
97. Evolution: True science fiction.
98. What's another word for "thesaurus"?
99. Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
100. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
101. I went to the fights, and a hockey game broke out.

@RedRooster
Thanks for starting my day off with numerous laughs.

@RedRooster

Very nice, A great read to get your day started on a good note.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong, a tax is a fine for doing right. - Read by JayHawkFanToo somewhere...

No matter how many times your body fails you.
Never give in, never settle for failure.

When you think you have nothing left, just look in the mirror. You will not quit on the reflection, you will see fire burning in those eyes, no matter how dim the flames may be. There is still a fire burning.

@approxinfinity

Democracy is two wolves & a lamb. Freedom is a well armed lamb.

Anon

Nudity is never advisable in Antarctica.

Trying to make love to a detonating thermonuclear device always leads to premature annihilation.

Truth and falsity are illusions that are hard to disprove.

If Ebola isn't a reason to end biological warfare testing, then the Spanish flu of 1918-1920 was.

-jaybate 1.0

In a private central bank centric world order with untraceable bailouts, the bottom line is there is no bottom line.

--jaybate 1.0

In the grand scheme of things, there is no grand scheme, but there seem to be a whole lot of little schemes.

--jaybate 1.0

@jaybate-1.0
Absolutely I would watch out for them. If you see my post this afternoon under T-shirt subject, we have a legal solution with acme that deals directly with KU.

Ideals are peaceful, history is violent.

(This is from Fury- and I wasn't able to find an earlier credit to anyone else.)

@JayhawkRock78

Hi, I moved my comment about reservations about t-shirts over to the correct thread and off the quotes thread.

@approxinfinity-Bill Self’s opening statement at his postgame press conference, as he took a swig from the water bottle left at the podium for him by the Champions Classic staff.

"I was hoping it was Vodka."

Most famous quotes were originally stolen from someone else, so if you want to be quotable, steal from the best and deny it.

--jaybate 1.o stolen from Murray Romanov, who stole if from H.G. Fartwell, who stole if from Marcus Tata, who stole it from Echo Sommerston, who stole if from Seaman Hornsby, who wasn't feeling too well at all.

Funny One Liners Part II

1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
2. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
3. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
4. Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
5. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
6. We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
7. Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
8. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
9. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
10. If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
11. Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
12. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
13. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
14. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
15. Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
16. Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
17. My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
18. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
19. The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
20. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
21. If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong ...
22. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
23. If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
24. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea ... does that mean that one enjoys it?
25. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
26. Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
27. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
28. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
29. Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
30. Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
31. A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
32. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
33. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
34. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
35. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
36. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
37. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
38. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it ... so I said "Implants?"
39. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
40. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
41. The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
42. God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
43. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
44. Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
45. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
46. Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.
47. Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
48. Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
49. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
50. The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
51. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
52. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
53. Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
54. Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
55. It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end.
56. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
57. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
58. He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
59. A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
60. We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.
61. Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
62. My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
63. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
64. When in doubt, mumble.
65. I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
66. I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
67. Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.
68. A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
69. Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
70. Just remember ... if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
71. My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
72. Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
73. Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
74. I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.
75. I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
76. I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.
77. I always take life with a grain of salt, ... plus a slice of lemon, ... and a shot of tequila.
78. Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
79. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
80. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
81. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
82. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
83. You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket ... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.
84. I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."
85. Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
86. Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
87. With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
88. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
89. A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.
90. Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
91. A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
92. If winning isn't everything why do they keep score?
93. Virginity is like a soapbubble, one prick and it is gone.
94. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!
95. A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
96. Hallmark Card: "I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're still here."
97. Whoever coined the phrase "Quiet as a mouse" has never stepped on one.
98. If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.
99. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

Alumni can fool some of the coaches some of the time and John Calipari all of the time.

--jaybate 1.0

Signing one Mickey D is good luck. Signing 3 Mickey Ds is hard work. Signing 10 Mickey Ds is a joke.

--jaybate 1.0

Recruiting brings out the best in the worst.

--jaybate 1.0

"1st Jayhawk Basketball Game - 2014"

My friend, Jaybate, received a free ticket to attend a Jayhawks basketball game. Unfortunately. Jaybate's seat was in the last row in the upper Southwest corner area of the Fieldhouse. He noticed an empty seat about 10 rows up from the floor directly at the mid-court line. He decides to make his way to the empty seat. As he sits down he asks the man next to him if anyone is sitting there. The man told him no, it was empty. Jaybate is very excited to have a seat like this at a Jayhawk Basketball game and asks why in the world no one is using it? The man replied that it was his wife's seat but she passed away. He also said this was the first Jayhawk Basketball game that they have not attended together since they were married in 1968. Jaybate said that it was really sad and asked why he couldn't find someone, a relative, or a close friend, to take her seat?

"I couldn’t find anyone" replied the man, "They're all at her funeral!"

"No malice intended ... just having fun!"

Insert: @RedRooster regarding the above story/joke.

HOWLING!!!! You made my day!!!

What is it about horse racing, parimutuel betting, and whiskey distilleries that make UK so attractive to basketball recruits?

--jaybate 1.0

@approxinfinity

''I learned a lesson. I'm not gonna tell you guys who I'm starting.'' - Bill Self