Johnny .600 aka J.600 aka Johnny Jones is on the verge of doing the brain-damagingly unthinkable.
J.600 is taking the greatest college basketball freshman, since Andrew Wiggins and going NOT .600 but .500!!!!!!!!!
Hmmmm.
What was Bill Self's record after six games with Andrew? I can't recall exactly, but it was above .500, wasn't it? Wasn't it above maybe even .600? Gosh, Bill's career average is .821. It might have been .821 after 6 games. Well, it might even have been 1.000 after six games. Bill is pretty good. And even Bill struggled some with getting a mix right with Andrew and in the end had one of his worst seasons with him. But that included a conference title, didn't it?
Johnny.600 is really making people forget what life was like before Ben. NOT!!
How can the powers that be that ordered the dump trucks to Baton Rouge live with themselves? How do they sleep at night knowing they sent one of the best young players to enter college basketball in ages to Baton Red--to the Bayou Bungles--to Johnny.600?!!!!!!!
What kind of asymmetric talent distribution is this?
I mean at least early on in the apparent talent embargo of adidas programs, well, the top players went to coaches that had better than .600 records.
I mean, Anthony Davis went to Kentucky!!!!!! And he did so whether or not the newspaper in Chi-town that reputedly refuses to retract its story about the incentivizing of monobrow happened, or not. And to The Squid!!!!!
I know, I know, I know! I know The Squid is not among the best coaches. I know the Squid can't win with your'n and with his'n. I know The Squid would be Gianni .500 most seasons with the talent Self has been getting the last couple years. I know The Squid went to the NIT and lost in the first round the only year he faced a serious injury to a key player, where as Self seems to face several serious injuries to several key players each season the last few years and still wins conference and goes to the NCAA tourney. But I mean at least The Squid is above .600 for his career and has gone deep several times and backed into a ring with six draft choices. I mean, didn't Ben Simmons at least deserve The Squid?
Did some body make a mistake with the GPS in the dump truck?
Ben coulda been uh contenduh!!!!!
We don't want that Ben should end up uh bum!
Great talent is supposed to advance in America. It is supposed to be propelled to the top in USA. Great talent is supposed to at least get Dick Harp and to double overtime before being chiseled out of a ring by the refs and Frankie McGuire's underground railroad in reverse, ya mugs understand?
Like, uh, I am callin' Big Julie in Chicago, see, or mebbe Rahm Emanuel, and I am explaining to their honorific-nesses that, like, see, Ben Simmons, well, he has talent and, like, he desoives the best, see, Big Julie? See Rahm? Like if we can get a guy named Barrack in the White House, and we can start up ISIS and ISIL before like they gets off da leash, you knows, well, and we can redistribute the most diversified wealth in human history in 1970 up so 95% of the wealth is in the hands of the top .5% of Americans mitts by 2015, like, Big Julie, Rahm-baby, surely we can orchestrate the dump trucks to take Ben Simmons at least to Lexington, eh? Large Julie, Rahmster-baby, listen to me. If we can do a lot split with the Godfather in Chi, for the President's house, like before he was Mr. President, how come we can't put Ben Simmons in Lexington, eh? I means, Rahm&Julie, we can even get President Obama to come to Mt. Oread and hang with Bill and the Jays, soze, like, why can't we maybe close our eyes and click our heels on our emerald-like slippers and get Bennie Simmons to Lawrence, eh? Why is dis not possible in the ways of the windy city? Or mebbe someone down at the Petroleo Club in Houston, eh? Can't someone on some side of the oil/central banking scam weigh in here and get Benny the Simms outta Baton Red? I mean, I know youz guys has your differences in many highly important matters, but surely, we can agree to let the great talents be coached by Coach Bill, Ratso, or Rat Face, or, well, Rickie P, Cry Me a River Roy, or what have you. Even The Squid, okay?
Bill Self and his staff might not be starting Ben Simmons (though I said that mostly for @HighEliteMajor's edifying amusement), but they would surely be hanging Ws at greater than a .500 type proportionality with Bennie the Simm. I mean, they are hanging Ws without him, right?
And, well, you just know that The Squid would probably have put Bennie the Simm at the 3, since he has Skal Labiscleariefirstie and he would already have scored like 65 points in each cupcake game and be 6-0.
Big Julie, Rahm-baby, I beseech thy and thou. You must like intervene in this issue on behalf of this talented kid.
You must free Ben Simmons!!!!!!!