🏀 KuBuckets Archive

As some of you know, I am supposed to get married in the first week of July. We haven't sent out invites yet, for obvious reasons. But will be forced to make a decision in just a few weeks.

So, I'm looking for some honest opinions. Do we just try to postpone it now? How comfortable would you feel going to a wedding if restrictions were lifted?

Are there things you think we could do that would make people feel more comfortable? Hand sanitizer at the tables? That sort of a thing.

We are really in a pickle here and would love to just have some unbiased opinions.

I think you should proceed like it will happen. I would think by July we will be off of the stay at home order. Hand sanitizer is a good idea, maybe have at a place where people can spread out.

@Kcmatt7 There would be some questions that need answering as well before making that decision.

In regards to the invitations, you could do that online if if you really need to and have the ability to contact everyone that you were planning on inviting to RSVP.

I have multiple friends getting married or were supposed to be getting married this spring and summer that have done different things. I had one friend that postponed until next year, but I they're wedding was originally in early May and they want to wait and have a big ceremony.

Another couple is still going through with the ceremony and making it legal in June (going to the JoP), but they're going to wait until either Thanksgiving or Christmas time this year to have the reception and celebrate with friends and family.

The other person I know getting married is a late July wedding and they're in pretty much the same boat as you. The bride is originally from Ohio and groom is from Houston, the ceremony is supposed to be in Ohio, but they're trying to figure out how many from his family would still feel safe traveling to Ohio at that point. Once they figure that out, they're going to ask our friend group who's still comfortable with going up there to make any necessary changes to the groomsmen or bridal party. If they don't have enough of his family feeling comfortable traveling up there, they've said they'll cancel the ceremony in Ohio, but aren't sure yet whether they'll reschedule for next summer up there, or have the ceremony down here and do a reception for her family up in Ohio at a later date.

My advice would be to figure out how important having a ceremony is, then figuring out travel for out of town family and friends if that's needed if the ceremony is important. Then maybe start looking at future dates to put a reservation in for in case your current date ends up not working out. If y'all decide the ceremony isn't that important to y'all, you could go down to the JoP and get married there and then have a reception later on to celebrate when it's safe to do so and everyone is comfortable with a large gathering again.

@Texas-Hawk-10 said in Wedding Questions:

@Kcmatt7 There would be some questions that need answering as well before making that decision.

In regards to the invitations, you could do that online if if you really need to and have the ability to contact everyone that you were planning on inviting to RSVP.

I have multiple friends getting married or were supposed to be getting married this spring and summer that have done different things. I had one friend that postponed until next year, but I they're wedding was originally in early May and they want to wait and have a big ceremony.

Another couple is still going through with the ceremony and making it legal in June (going to the JoP), but they're going to wait until either Thanksgiving or Christmas time this year to have the reception and celebrate with friends and family.

The other person I know getting married is a late July wedding and they're in pretty much the same boat as you. The bride is originally from Ohio and groom is from Houston, the ceremony is supposed to be in Ohio, but they're trying to figure out how many from his family would still feel safe traveling to Ohio at that point. Once they figure that out, they're going to ask our friend group who's still comfortable with going up there to make any necessary changes to the groomsmen or bridal party. If they don't have enough of his family feeling comfortable traveling up there, they've said they'll cancel the ceremony in Ohio, but aren't sure yet whether they'll reschedule for next summer up there, or have the ceremony down here and do a reception for her family up in Ohio at a later date.

My advice would be to figure out how important having a ceremony is, then figuring out travel for out of town family and friends if that's needed if the ceremony is important. Then maybe start looking at future dates to put a reservation in for in case your current date ends up not working out. If y'all decide the ceremony isn't that important to y'all, you could go down to the JoP and get married there and then have a reception later on to celebrate when it's safe to do so and everyone is comfortable with a large gathering again.

Good idea , Texas Hawk. Like you were saying about the ceremony, if the time comes an not feeling comfortable or friends are feeling comfortable. Like you say Kcmatt and future lil lady could go to the JOP have him do the ceremony, and then LATER if it was feasible/and you wanted, heck you could still have a formal ceremony then if you wanted with all the shing ding then.

I'm sure the stay at home will be gone for sure by Jun for sure. - - The governor is suppose to announce how long she is extending the Statewide order for here in Kansas early this week, not sur are you getting married here in Kansas I don't know. - -But thinking she may extend through the month of May. - But anyways again Like Texas Hawk said if you two can agree and want to hold off for the formal part - just go to the JOP. - I'm sure it will all work out buddy . Now that I know just say - -Congrad's bud hope all goes well. - - ROCK CHALK ALL DAY LONG BABY

@Kcmatt7 eww Matt crazy decisions! I'd wait. How long before you can't get your money back? I'm sure you talked to all those people. Wedding venue people. What I'm afraid of is that trump will let people back to soon and we will be in the same place. I'm guessing you have gparents and other older people? So many things! People will understand whatever u do! Safety first. Businesses are hurting, they may wait in order to get your wedding! Get it in writing. It'll be one to remember! I heard a sr took her sr picture w/a mask on.

If you want to push for a ceremony this summer, this is my 2 cents:

I think by July, there will be a shift in the guidance that will focus breaking the population in to three groups: high-risk, medium-risk and low-risk. The priority will still be to protect those who are most vulnerable, but will allow others to return to "normal" with the added goal of getting some herd immunity going in the low-risk population.

I think high-risk will be those with a pre-existing condition (any age) -- particularly obesity or auto-immune deficiency AND those who are older (70 and up). The high-risk will be advised to continue to "shelter in place". They can't /shouldn't come to the ceremony. Probably a live stream of the service is the way to go for those folks.

Medium-risk folks will be in the 50-70 range. They will need to be careful, but I think guidance will be more nuanced. The 50-70 year olds may attend, but will need to be out of crowds (no dancing). Perhaps have a designated place for this group that is more spread out during the ceremony and some other place for them during any dance or reception.

The low-risk folks (younger than 40 and no health risk factors) may feel comfortable sitting together and maybe even dancing on the same floor.

That's my guess as of now.. assuming people continue to follow the orders through May so that there's a clear decline in cases.

No matter what, I'd expect sanitizer to be everywhere. :-) The virus will be out there for quite a while and we'll each be at risk until a vaccine comes or we survive it and develop antibodies.

Thanks for the questions and feedback!

We won’t have a lot of high risk folks coming.

My grandparents are all deceased and my fiancé only has one left who we didn’t think would come before all of this. So high-risk number is low if not non-existent.

As far as how deep we are in it Money wise is another question. The venue contract doesn’t contain and act of god clause or anything. So if guidelines are less than 50 people or something at the time they will Be forced to cancel and we should get a full refund.

We picked a pretty large venue for the wedding size. Meaning there should be plenty of space. We may do like 8 to a table instead of 10 or something though. But as far as being spread out, shouldn’t be an issue.

The food right now is buffet, but that was the only option given by the venue when we booked. If we can get it plated I think we will. Maybe we get gloves for everyone if not?

We are proceeding like it’s going to happen, but I do plan to contact the venue here in late May and see what they’re thinking.

The wedding is in Jersey, very similar to the wedding @Texas-Hawk-10 described. Really almost everyone going will be out of town. Closest extended relatives are 45 minutes away.

My biggest question is really, would you go to a wedding this summer and feel comfortable? And what things would make you feel more comfortable being there?

@Kcmatt7 Before relying on a breakdown of low risk vs medium vs high, please remember low risk means only lower risk of dying from the virus. All ages can catch it, and if they do, will likely spread it back home to people in higher risk brackets.

Please also remember that lower risk people are also dying. One sailor died on the USS Theodore Roosevelt, and since almost 600 have tested positive, I am sure more will.

If even 1 person dies due to catching it at your wedding, is that worth it to you?

I echo the delay and do a big party later strategy. If you like, if travel is open, you can drive down to SC and I would be happy to perform the ceremony at the beach if it is open (and keeping me at a social distance, of course)!

Not trying to be funny - but how about a "destination wedding"? Like Wyoming or Utah where hardly any cases have been reported? People have destination weddings all the time - might as well go to a safe place.

@nuleafjhawk said in Wedding Questions:

Not trying to be funny - but how about a "destination wedding"? Like Wyoming or Utah where hardly any cases have been reported? People have destination weddings all the time - might as well go to a safe place.

Wyoming is a beautiful state. The Big Horn Mountains and the Teton Mountains would be great. They both have a cabins you could rent via Air BNB. Plus you could rent side by sides or ATV's for the day and go on some trails. Have a nice picnic in the middle of no where over looking miles of mountains. If you two are in to that stuff.

My wife and I have a side by side and a toy hauler camper we take to the Big Horns a lot during the summer.

@nuleafjhawk said in Wedding Questions:

Not trying to be funny - but how about a "destination wedding"? Like Wyoming or Utah where hardly any cases have been reported? People have destination weddings all the time - might as well go to a safe place.

If it were up to just me, we would have been married in the Caribbean months ago...

@mayjay said in Wedding Questions:

@Kcmatt7 Before relying on a breakdown of low risk vs medium vs high, please remember low risk means only lower risk of dying from the virus. All ages can catch it, and if they do, will likely spread it back home to people in higher risk brackets.

Please also remember that lower risk people are also dying. One sailor died on the USS Theodore Roosevelt, and since almost 600 have tested positive, I am sure more will.

If even 1 person dies due to catching it at your wedding, is that worth it to you?

I echo the delay and do a big party later strategy. If you like, if travel is open, you can drive down to SC and I would be happy to perform the ceremony at the beach if it is open (and keeping me at a social distance, of course)!

Someone getting sick is definitely my fear. Would definitely not help with that whole “best day if your life” memory you’re striving for.

@rockchalkwyo You talked me into it! Sounds like fun. I've been married 41 years in June - maybe we could make it an anniversary trip.

@Kcmatt7...first off...congratulations. Second...I'm so sorry that you guys even need to think about this. A brutal situation to be in.

To answer your question directly...I'd go and be okay. I imagine that you'll have a lot of masks if you have it then and we aren't in the clear. Late July is also a time when it actually could be feasible as COVID might be gone/down because of weather.

I'm actually supposed to officiate three weddings this summer and all three are asking the same questions. As I've processed with them, it is clear that this isn't the dream so I just feel sad for you guys. At the end of the day...if it's all the same to you...I'd agree to whatever my wife-to-be wanted.

@focojayhawk said: "I’d agree to whatever my wife-to-be wanted."

@Kcmatt7 - This guy^ - listen to him. He is a wise man.

I'd do a small service for now, with a larger reception once all of this is over and done with. Nothing wrong with an intimate gathering now, and a big party later on. The thing with weddings is that the day itself blows by so quickly that you invariably miss things. My wife and I had a fairly large wedding, lots of family and friends on both sides, so there were quite a few people that we didn't even really get to talk to on our wedding day, unfortunately.

But ultimately, this decision is up to you and your bride. Talk it over. Decide what makes the two of you happy. Then do that.

@justanotherfan said in Wedding Questions:

The thing with weddings is that the day itself blows by so quickly that you invariably miss things.

Plus, invariably the happy couple, that has spent hours choosing the food, hardly gets the chance to even taste it...

@Kcmatt7 https://fox4kc.com/news/busch-is-offering-a-year-of-free-beer-to-couples-whose-weddings-plans-were-changed-due-to-coronavirus/ ↗

@Crimsonorblue22 lol that’s some good lookin out right there Crims

Update: we finally caved...

We are going to get married, just the two of us. And then have a little 10 person celebration with friends.

We are going to have a reception in Jersey and KC at a later date when it’s safer to do so.

@Kcmatt7 said in Wedding Questions:

Update: we finally caved...

We are going to get married, just the two of us. And then have a little 10 person celebration with friends.

We are going to have a reception in Jersey and KC at a later date when it’s safer to do so.

Good on you, keeping people safe. When this is all over, the memories you will have! My brother got married in the middle of a hurricane.

@approxinfinity said in Wedding Questions:

@Kcmatt7 said in Wedding Questions:

Update: we finally caved...

We are going to get married, just the two of us. And then have a little 10 person celebration with friends.

We are going to have a reception in Jersey and KC at a later date when it’s safer to do so.

Good on you, keeping people safe. When this is all over, the memories you will have! My brother got married in the middle of a hurricane.

That’s what I keep telling my fiancé.

In a weird way we are lucky because it makes our story unique. It sucks right now but it’ll be a story we get to tell for the rest of our lives.

And now we will be saving enough money to do a lot of other more important things. I’m definitely sad, but there are a lot of positives to doing it this way.

@Kcmatt7 said in Wedding Questions:

Update: we finally caved...

We are going to get married, just the two of us. And then have a little 10 person celebration with friends.

We are going to have a reception in Jersey and KC at a later date when it’s safer to do so.

Wise decision buddy. After all really it's not the size of the Wedding that's important , the most important thing is the two of you, you settled on this decision & your bride has settled on this decision. Just think one of many important decisions you two will make together as a couple - Good for you buddy. It's still going to be a very special day , enjoy it - - enjoy this moment to the max. You two will have many exciting fun days ahead. Yet this day will be THAT SPECIAL DAY.

Can I tell you a little secret ? - I know it may sound cheesy/ non manly BUT I actually cried during our wedding I was just so emotional wrapped up hyped up and sooooo in love with this woman. You wouldn't believe the response from the guests with my crying - -how people thought that was so awesome and special -This will truly be a day you should never forget. Cherish the moment.

As you say you got time to be able to celebrate like you want with the big gathering & I'm sure family and friends understand gives you just that many more times to celebrate things all over again. - - Happy for you buddy wish you a long and prosperous marriage I'm sure she is sweet , just treat her like that special lady you be good to go. It's going to be a great day for ya man - - Congrads. - -

@Kcmatt7 Best wishes to you and your bride. As @jayballer73 said, cherish the moment. When the time is right to gather a larger group of family and friends, the two of you could renew your vows so your guests could share in that.

@Kcmatt7 Did most of your wedding providers give refunds? I know you were reluctant to cancel because there were a few nonrefundable deposits, but I suspect those got waived when large events were barred.

Good luck with everything. I hope she still wears her dress and that you get to see her coming down an aisle. My heart still flutters remembering that moment at our wedding almost 21 years ago. Memorize your moments--your attention will be on the bride anyway. A crowd is the furthest thing from your mind during the ceremony!

@rockchalkwyo For us flatlanders heading to the NW, the Bighorns to me has represented the first taste of 'real' Rocky Mountains. While not the most spectacular range in the area, they certainly draw the eyes as we drive across 90 after they first pop into view. We love the drive up from Sheridan, the switchbacks, sweeping rolling plains views of really nothing, but it's still awesome to see. And then you get up into the midst of beautiful mountain meadows. But the real treat is coming down the drier west slope and the extremely rugged landscape. Shell Falls, just amazing to see, a first primer for Yellowstone and all of its falls. Man, it's so dang far away, but I really want to go back!

@Kcmatt7 Not sure if you saw my little part of this in another thread, but our daughter had a wedding date of April 25th. Of course they were in the same boat as you, finally cancelled, had a small backyard ceremony with immediate family only, and will have a larger celebration sometime later. She suffered the double whammy of also having her college graduation marred. It's supposed to be Sunday, a great mothers day treat for my wife, but no more. Congratulations by the way!

Imagine all the bridezillas?

@Kcmatt7 Nothing wrong with that and it’s probably the safest way. My wife and I married in front of like 8 people. Besides most of us enjoy the reception more then the wedding!!

@Kcmatt7 https://www2.ljworld.com/news/general-news/2020/may/05/it-just-takes-a-bride-and-a-groom-covid-19-derailed-the-weddings-of-two-lawrence-couples-but-they-dont-regret-a-thing/ ↗

Oh. New update. We didn't get married. The future in-laws were NOT okay with the eloping thing and the reception (don't get me started on it).

We will get married this Summer (hopefully the vaccines go well) no matter what. Whether we do the big wedding will obviously depend on the current climate.

Instead we bought a 1950s ranch that we put about half of our saved wedding funds into this year. Which has been a lot of fun.

I think the next thing I want to do after the wedding is either convert an old school bus into an RV or buy a ran down lake house to fix up.

@Kcmatt7 I’m glad my son got married last yr, but they’re having a baby in feb. really hope my son gets to go in w/her. They’re in wichita/Maize

@Kcmatt7 said in Wedding Questions:

Oh. New update. We didn't get married. The future in-laws were NOT okay with the eloping thing and the reception (don't get me started on it).

We will get married this Summer (hopefully the vaccines go well) no matter what. Whether we do the big wedding will obviously depend on the current climate.

Instead we bought a 1950s ranch that we put about half of our saved wedding funds into this year. Which has been a lot of fun.

I think the next thing I want to do after the wedding is either convert an old school bus into an RV or buy a ran down lake house to fix up.

you go guy -- sounds like your doing fine , fixing up an older home is something I would love to do - -you fix it like you want - -hope it all works out and Congrads again

@Crimsonorblue22 my sister had a baby in April and they let her husband go in. What a traumatic experience to have to go through all alone...

@Kcmatt7 hospitals are full now. I hope she has a place to go. Sucks.