🏀 KuBuckets Archive

@bskeet--not playing through injury always knocks guys down a notch in Self's ranking system. One of the things people forget about Travis Releford is that he did not want to play on an injured ankle his freshman, or red shirt sophomore season, at the very moment he seemed to be breaking out and, boom!, that set him back most of the rest of the season. Not playing through injury once is not permanent curtains for a career, but it can be curtains for a season depending on what other players are doing to distinguish themselves.

@JayHawkFanToo--Copy and paste with one caveat. Self gave Selden a royal PT jerk a couple games ago. Selden responded some, but then had a line that did not light up the night versus Toledo. Self made an excuse for Selden by saying that one of his TOs was caused by Tharpe. This means two things.

1. Selden probably gets one more game before he too gets another PT jerk.

2. Self was apparently not seduced by Tharpe's hot shooting hand into thinking Tharpe played as well as many others thought. Tharpe had 8 assists and 5 TOs. If Self were right, then Tharpe really had 8 assists and 6 TOs; that ratio is not going to come close to cutting it for a point guard on a team destined to play through its big men. Tharpe has got to ramp the Assist/TO ratio to 2:1 this season, or he is going to be looking at pine time next season behind another OAD, if Self, Snacks, Norm, and Kurtis can land one.

Franklin Roosevelt would have put it something like this:

"Yesterday, December 30th, 2013--a date which will live in infamy, the University of Kansas was suddenly and deliberately attacked by half court and three point forces of Rockets of the University of Toledo.

KU was asleep at the defensive end of the floor and under the constant disruption of a Division 1 Mid Major gave up an unconscionable 32 field goals on James Naismith Court in Allen Field House.

The University of Kansas basketball coaching staff considers this performance a defensive crime by the Jayhawks and will forthwith pursue unconditional defensive excellence and will by the grace of god one day triumph over this disgraceful situation and lock down opposing teams of the highest calibers, so help us God!"

Self has Tharpe and Ellis that understand D1 a little.

He had three more slots to fill in the starting line up.

He has made the choice the everyone has been begging him to make for years: he has picked three freshman to give huge PT to in order to "develop" them during games in hopes of having them ready by March. Everyone that loves watching freshman learn on the job should be orgasmic about what Self is doing--not one, or two, freshmen being allowed to bungle their way to experience, but THREE!!!!!!!!!!!!

If I were a member of the freshmen have to play their way into being ready for D1 choir, then I would already be lighting up my post orgasmic cigarette and dawning the long white robe and phoning for oysters on the half shell.

Again, Self has three starting slots. He selects his best three freshman. I don't see he is making a mistake here in choosing Selden and Greene. But I could make a case for Greene over Selden based on the benefits of a triacetate to go with a big man like Embiid.

But Self has to make this call based on which player--Selden or Greene--is likely to develop the farthest by March? I believe it is a close call for Self, but Self is a defense first coach and is probably making the call based on which player is likely to become the toughest, soundest defensive player by March.

Come March, when the whistles enter the dietary tracts of referees, who do you want playing muscle ball on the perimeter with Izzo's boys? Selden, or Greene? Greene has attitude. But in comparison to Selden, if Selden can ever get untracked, Selden has a man's body now, and Greene will have a man's body in two seasons.

Wiggins seems a no brain decision to play him through his vertical learning curve.

So does Embiid now that he has reached critical mass of being able to be a 10-10 guy and maybe a 15-10 guy.

So it comes down to Selden vs. Greene for PT.

Many are screaming for more PT for Greene, but every minute you take away from Selden delays how fast he can be developed.

Greene basically has to wait until Selden really is really ready to go. And as HEM has stated, Selden is not yet playing vastly better than Greene probably would if he were getting Selden's minutes. Could Self be betting wrong on Selden? Could Selden get overwhelmed and bomb? Sure. But Selden is at that point of his development where the "play them to develop them choir" has to demand that he get all the minutes possible, at the expense of Greene, White, and Frankamp, or else be self-contradictory in their precept of playing guys to develop guys.

Selden, if I recall correctly, was the higher ranked between he and Greene. So: those that are strong believers in the player rankings should also be ecstatic about Selden getting maximum minutes and Greene sucking hind teat on PT.

Again, if Selden had not come, we would be talking about Greene being force fed the minutes and Self gambling to get him ready ASAP.

But Selden came and so Self has had to make a choice.

Selden has an NBA body now. Selden has lots of defensive muscle. Selden has some shooting ability from trey. Selden has hit a wall. Self is saying, no, sir, we are not going to stop letting Selden play to develop. Greene might have done just as well, but this team's defense absolutely sucks and our only chance for a really tough defense is a fully "developed" Selden. With a fully developed Greene, we get a trey gun, but a skinny body that is not going to be up to dealing with Ratso Izzo's soldiers in March. Or some of the long and strings that Calipari has assembled in Lexington.

Greene will finally get incrementally more PT if he combines guarding, protecting, feeding the post reliably, and keeping the ball from sticking for a few consecutive games in whatever minutes he gets and then begins to make shots.

Selden has hit a wall. Greene has been given some looks and done nothing to distinguish himself since his one bright shining moment.

Self is all in on Selden.

Selden is where he is willing to sink costs.

For those wanting Greene to get more minutes, the key is Selden. The faster Selden "develops" while playing, the faster Self can afford to sink costs into Greene.

Seriously, if you travel for a living, or for extended recreation, these are a must. What I wouldn't have given for these things back when I lived out of a suitcase to pay for food and a roof. You bring a little 3 oz bottle of soap and wash and rinse a pair every night under the tub faucet. Quick drying and fresh as a daisy by the morning, even in humid air. A bar of face soap works in a pinch, too. It is a true travel break through. No more crowding your suitcase with a week's worth of underwear with increasing amounts of it either in need of washing, or still damp the next morning after a wash and mildewing in your bag in a zip lock baggy. No more running to coin op laundramats in the hotel or somewhere in town. These things are Grrrrrrrrreat! Technical clothing rules.

@wrwlumpy awesome pic and quote. I wonder if Self will keep playing Frank and Naa together against OSU?

Self has committed to playing through the bigs. Naa on a wing gives him a dependable wing feed to the post. Frank out front means a penetration threat, if the post feed is denied. Wiggins backside means an impact on reversal, and Naa on wing means an occasional trey threat on re-reversal. But the cost of this on defense could be staggering against OSU. Self must believe that Embiid is going to become so dominant defensively that he can get away with it. I still believe we will see much more of Greene or White against full sized teams.

@HighEliteMajor-regarding Greene and inexperienced players not getting to play enough to develop...

"Do no harm" does not instill peak performance from subs. If he can find subs that do no harm, then he instills starters with peak performance, and puts those starters in the position of having to not spend a lot of time catching up from the mistakes of the subs.

Self does not need, or want, peak performance out of his subs. He wants no harm, so that the peak performance of his best players, which tend to be better than other team's best players, can win.

When Self says it does not matter whether you start, or substitute; that means that what matters is that you fulfill the role that a winning team needs.

What this team needs right now to increase its chances of winning is not more scoring. They shot 50% from trey and 56% overall. This team came out of the birth canal being able to score.

What this team needs is guys that can guard and protect.

When Self has to start four guys like Tharpe, Selden, Wiggins and Embiid,that are threats to make 3-5 TOs/game in order to get their impact plays on both ends, he can ill afford to have Greene, or anyone else come in and make three as subs, or commit defensive breakdowns, or shoot long balls when the team is scoring 56% or better inside.

I am quite sure that Brannen would be starting and making 3-5 TOs per game if Selden had not come. But Selden did come and so Self cannot afford another 3-5 TOs per game and 3-5 defensive breakdowns per game and hope to win games.

I am sure Self wishes the starters would start protecting so he could afford to play Brannen more. His wrath is probably much more focused on those starters keeping Brannen off the floor than at Brannen.

HAWKS OUT-STRIP OPPONENTS FOUR GAMES IN A ROW.

'13-'14 HAWKS MAKE FANS APPRECIATE WHY SELF DIDN'T PLAY FRESHMAN WHEN HE COULD AVOID DOING SO

HAWKS DISRUPTION STAT FINALLY >1 VERSUS GOOD OPPONENT

SELF: "DEFENSE WAS SO NAUGHT DECADE"

SNACKS: "TOP OFF THE GULF STREAM, I'M LOOKING FOR A POINT GUARD"

NORM: "WE NEED ANOTHER GULF STREAM, I'M LOOKING FOR A POINT GUARD, TOO."

KURTIS: "SCREW THE GULF STREAM, GET ME AN F-18, I'M LOOKING FOR A POINT GUARD."

BRUCE WEBER: "SURE, SELF HAS PROBLEMS, BUT HE WILL STILL FIND A WAY TO BE ME."

TRAVIS FORD: "I HAD THE BEST TEAM. HOW DID SELF WIN THE TITLE AGAIN?"

THE MAYOR: "THE HILTON COLISEUM IS WORTH TEN POINTS. UNFORTUNATELY SELF IS WORTH 15."

TUBBY SMITH: "LUBBOCK IS LIKE PARIS WITHOUT PARIS."

LON KRUGER: "SELF CAN BEAT ME WHETHER I HAVE ONE EYE BROW, OR TWO."

SCOTT DREW: "I ADMIT IT. I CAN'T COACH."

TRENT JOHNSON: STANFORD, THEN LSU, THEN TCU, WHAT'S NEXT? UNIVERSITY OF PHOENIX?"

RICK PITINO: "WINNING A RING MEANS YOU CAN AFFORD TO KICK A JERK, OR TWO, OFF YOUR TEAM."

JOHN CALIPARI: "THE KEY TO COACHING IS TO GET SO MUCH TALENT YOU DON'T HAVE TO COACH."

COACH CONSONANTS: "I'M CHANGING MY LAST NAME TO SMITH."

JAY BILAS: "I'M NO LONGER WORKING OUT AND SLEEPING IN MY BROOKS BROTHERS SUITS."

TOM IZZO: "I NO LONGER ENDORSE CLENCHED FIST DEFENSE."

TOM CREAN: "I AM TOM IZZO-LITE."

STEVE LAVIN: "THE BIG APPLE IS ABOUT TO TAKE A BITE OUT OF ME."

CLARK KELLOGG: "I AM RETIRING."

DICK VITALE: "I ADMIT IT. WHICH TEAMS AND COACHES ARE REALLY GOOD IS IRRELEVANT TO ME."

OLIVIA WILDE: "I ENROLLED FOR SECOND SEMESTER AT KU AND WILL TRY OUT FOR CHEERLEADER."

(NOTE: ALL FICTION. NO MALICE.)

Verdict: Growing pains.

@JayHawkFanToo--coaching in D1 is increasingly like walking in a casino.

Addendum 1:

KU's bench was a mixed bag this game. Traylor, Black and Mason each committed the unpardonable sin of a player coming off Self's bench: each made one TO. When you come of the bench, the prime directive is "do no harm." They violated the prime directive. After practically winning the game vs. Georgetown, the bench combined for only a modest 10 points, but to their credit got on the glass and grabbed 9 rebounds.

Addendum 2: Score one for Jesse Newell on correctly analyzing the "free throw defense" data and drawing the correct inference. Opponents bad FT shooting so far this season was apparently a random occurrence and Toledo marks the end of the random run of bad FT shooting. The team now has to brace for a run of above average free throw shooting against arguably much better upcoming opponents. Gulp.

@brooksmd--I took a gander at the box score. While you are right to point out Toledo's hot trey hands, Toledo only took two more treys than KU did. This means that a lot of Toledo's production was coming inside, mid range and transition. A very short team shot 46.4 FG% overall against KU's long and athletics! Knock out the trey attempts and trey makes and Toledo shot 44% against our team full of giants! This was a truly embarrassing defensive performance. Even when a mid major like Toledo has a hot hand outside, KU's L&A should be able to hold a mid major to 35% inside the trey stripe. The players just are not buying into Self defense.

And consider this: KU shot 50% from trey and 56% overall and only won by 10. If KU had shot its average from trey so far this season, the game could have been a nail biter, or an upset.

I realize that KU often struggles guarding short teams without fouling, but their size has tended to take away an opponent's inside game. But the defense of our bigs on these guys was pretty bad, and Embiid, Wiggins and Selden--the three freshmen, all struggled guarding with 3.

Another bizarre stat was that Tarick Black got 0 defensive rebounds!

Finally, our TOs were just horrendous! Embiid and Wiggins had 3, Selden 4, and Tharpe had 5. Overall, KU had EIGHTEEN turnovers. Putrid.

I haven't even bothered to talk about the Distruption Stat with this team, because they are such a young team and don't know how to play defense. They are struggling just to stay with their own men. They can't begin to think about stealing possessions with strips and blocks. But look at the Disruption Stat ((steals + blocks)/TOs) for this game. Just ghastly.

TU: 12/8
KU: 10/18

A Disruption Stat >1 is good.
A Disruption Stat <1 means trouble.

Remember, Toledo is a BAD defensive team that is not as long and athletic as KU.

Tiny Toledo was disrupting KU more than KU was disrupting Toledo.

But the statistic to end all statistics is Toledo got 10 steals on KU!!!!!!!!!

Just mind boggling.

Self will probably maintain an even strain publicly, because the guys probably had dead legs from practicing, but bad defense and bad ball handling against a mid major must be very disheartening to Self, after this much practice.

MEMO

TO: Coaching Staff

From: Bill Self

RE: Defense against Toledo

!@#$%^&()_+!@!@#$#$%#$%^&%^&^&&(()*)!!@@@@@@@@!!!!@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Next practice Midnight tonight.

Bring trash barrels.

Startlingly easy to use, too. All things digital should be so effortless.

1. Ted Kowalczk and Buzz Williams were on Tom Crean’s staff at Marquette. Buzz was Billy Gillispie’s top assistant at Texas A&M. Okie Baller Mafia connection.

2. Ted is a pal of Buzz. Buzz is a pal of Tom Crean. Tom Crean is a pal of Tom Izzo. Playing Ted is making nice with the Izzo mafia.

3. Toledo AD Mike O'Brien was Associate AD at KSU from 1997-2001. And Sheahon was KSU's Assistant AD from 2001-2004. That is a small bit of calendar overlap. Wildcat Mafia connection.

4. Snacks wants to brand manage in Ohio.

@VailHawk--I would hazard that a majority of the KUBuckets posters have in the past, though perhaps not as recently as the life of this board, engaged in Self hair speculation. I do not believe that any professional reporter worth his weight in access would broach the subject with Self. If Self were to wear a rug and did not cop to it publicly, then he would likely get pretty hot about being asked the question in public. If his hair were real, a reporter would feel pretty trivial about asking.

The only guy that I can imagine asking Self such a question on camera was the guy that CBS pulled out of moth balls last season. I forget his name. Maybe Craig someone? Long ago that guy made a brief career out of ambush questioning. But then he apparently must have P.O.ed someone high up, for he apparently disappeared for a long time.

I know I wouldn't ask Self point blank. But I would squint and look really closely as I asked him basketball questions. :-)

@wissoxfan83 Howling!

But real truth is that I put myself up for adoption, no one would take me, so I adopted myself, and am writing a tell all book "Daddy Dearest: The Pitfalls of Self-Adoption."

End note: HEM is in fact vastly older than me, as he has been reincarnated 12 times and myself only 9. John Wooden's only involvement with the both of us is that Wooden was once the driver of the wagon that bore Arjuna and Lord Krishna to war in the Bhagavad Gita.

There is no doubt that I have had great trouble keeping New Year's resolutions. I have had so much trouble that I have quit making them for several years. But I feel that not making such resolutions to avoid self-disappointment has reduced my holiday joy and positive outlook to a level that is inappropriate for anyone not named Scrooge. So: here follows a list that I believe even I can keep.

I will eat more barbecue, when someone else is paying.

I will watch KU basketball without wearing a jock strap, a condom, or a maid’s uniform.

I will order home-delivered pizza more frequently than I will engage in multiple linear regression analyses of which foot is most pivoted with with JNewell.

I will stop calling Bruce Weber KSU’s interim head coach, and start calling him its "Ex-Interim Head Coach in Waiting."

I will note, whenever doing so would not be in poor taste, that Travis Ford is so short he cannot see out of a pair of high tops.

I will be seduced by nude women that speak French fluently to me in any time zone where sex between consenting adults has not yet been ruled an offense punishable by square dancing.

I will step out of the way of oncoming locomotives, unless KU has just lost to Scott Drew.

I will fondle any beautiful woman of sound mind and body that asks me to do so in a polite, respectful and discreet manner, or that does so rudely, condescendingly and in a regional mall.

I will render unto Caesar what is Caesar’s, while also hiring a tax accountant named Sy Loopholski.

I will continue to wonder whether Bill Self wears a rug, or if he has his barber cut it to look that way to keep all of us from thinking about why he runs so little zone.

I will make jokes about Dick Vitale.

(NOTE: ALL FICTION. SANS MALICE. HAPPY NEW YEARS!)

@JayHawkFanToo--copy an paste, though i still like slayr's reasons for staying.

@approxinfinity--Its nice to hear you pay Bellein the respect you do. He did something at WVU that Huggins has not been able to do. But it is very, very tough to mask what Self masked the last two seasons. If Bellein can get to the 16 without McGary, as Self did without Peters, then he breathes the same rarified air that Self does. Its going to be fascinating to see how he approaches the rest of the season.

PS: Bellein is going to miss Trey Burke a WHOLE LOT MORE than McGary.

@RockChalkinTexas--UM without Mitch is like a jock without a nut to punch. :-)

Seriously, this is very sad for McGary. He is not just a load. He can play.

Now, Bellein gets a test of how good he really is? Can he smoke and mirror the loss of McGary the way Self did Peters? Its actually a very good comparison. Both players reputedly had similar games and were similar in height and weight. Self won 30+ without Peters by using KY, Jamari, and Perry patched together. What can Bellein patch together?

@Jesse Newell: this is what I finally got to post over on cjonline.com in response to your KSU info, which I thing tips the balance farther in your favor, but which may not achieve that beyond a reasonable doubt standard. :-) To wit:

"One more thought on triggers of the FT Defense Phenomenon
JNew, your driver of luck may explain some or all of the phenomenon, but so might mine. So consider this: if KSU's strength of schedule were vastly weaker than KU's, then KSU's opponents should tend to be significantly worse than KU's opponents at basketball skills such as shooting FTs. Or put conversely, KU's opponents probably are better FT shooters. So: the dynamics I have proposed above might be driving down the FT% of KU's opponents, while the lesser length and athleticism of KSU may not be driving down nearly as much the already weaker FT shooting of KSU's weaker opponents. This hypothesis might also fit the data you present.

Just a thought."

@DinarHawk Thank you kindly, Dinar.

@drgnslayr Copy and paste, slayr. And see my response to KUSTEVE for a bit more on Norm's virtues and his likely future allure to right way ADs. And yes, I sure wish we could keep him at home.

@JayhawkRock78 Yup, I'm back at it, though a step slow.

@KUSTEVE Yes, the correlation is striking. Now, of course, there are a lot of factors contributing to this sort of thing. Number One is Self's sustained success. Number Two is Self. Number 3 is the recruiting team of Kurtis Kool and Joe D that were out hard in the Hampton Inns the last few lean years, when lessers might have jumped ship--never underestimate what Kurtis and Joe D did recruiting against some harsh political headwinds. Number 4, Self is no longer recruiting against the tide of Scalpingate, Lewgate, and Realignmentgate. Number 5 is Adidas has apparently made a monster commitment to Self and KU to flank the Nike hegemony. But even with all of that, Norm has brought value to the table. So: its pretty likely Norm will get another crack at a head job, despite the salt on the temples, and he sure as heck deserves it if he wants it. If one were a "RIGHT WAY" AD, you would have to look at Norm and say, "Well, being forced out for not cooperating with scum; that one strong reason to hire him. Another is his long association with the winningest coach the last decade. Another is he was good enough for Self's only equivalent in Self's generation of coaches--Billy Donovan--to give him a second shot, when the "wrong way" heat was out intimidate. And, finally, look at the guys KU has signed since Norm's been on the job. Hell, yes, hire him yesterday!"

@bskeet Thx

@Kip_McSmithers: wish I could say yes, but it was old fashioned operator error. :-}

@approxinfinity it's yours. :-)

@drgnslayr: it's good to be back. Thx. But u and HEM, you're da men now. I can fake Father Time for short stretches, but not long. Still I'll give what help is in the tank. Dang it's a great game!

@jaybate 1.0 : log in/out issue RESOLVED!!!!!

Rock CHALK!

@JayHawkFanToo: PHOF!

@REHawk: Coach, you and me, we have been through so much, the box is gone! :-)

@jaybate 1.0 : or maybe Oubre does.

New York Norm, Kurtis Kool, and Snacks must be triple teaming this young man.

Self may not even have to sweep his mother off her feet.

Regarding log jams with Oubre at the 3, Ellis here at the 4m and Alexander already coming for the 5, fuggedaboutit!!!!!

Perry moves to point guard!!!!!!!!

Yeee hawwwwwwww!

Norm Roberts deserves MEGA STROKES for the whole Joel Embiid phenomenon.

Norm was down in Gainesville licking wounds from his railroading at St. John's by the Wrong Way types shutting off his recruiting spigot. He had been given a job by Billy Donovan, who by the way was an absolute man for giving him a job at that time, because the wrong way guys appeared to be really intimidating anyone that dared stand up for anyone they had smighted.

So: in the no good deed goes unpunished department, Norm is recruiting for Billy and he finds Joel Embiid landing in his flipping back yard. Norm no doubt went gametes to the walls for Joel.

Then Self says, "Oh, Normie, I want you back in Larrie looking after the bigs, since Danny's gone down to Cyberspy Tech of Tulsa, OK to try a head job."

So: Norm jumps into Mannings enormous flipping big man coaching shoes, shoes of a size many doubted could be filled by Self himself.

Enter New York Norm with the brass in his kanakas that had gotten him out of the Apple as a young coach and kept him going through thick and thin.

Norm proceeds to keep Jeff Withey getting better to the tune of becoming one of KU's all time shot blockers and alterers.

Norm doesn't stop with Withey either.

Self gives his old pal a 3 to play the four named Perry Ellis. Norm had to shake his brain case and mouth silently, "Thanks ol'pal. Just what I need. A finesse 3 playing power forward with a William Powell playing 5."

Self says, "Norm, that's not the worst of it. Perry isn't even ready. Perry doesn't even talk yet. The guy you're really going to have to get it done with is a transfer from the College of Lay Out and Year and Hope. And before that he was from Loyola Marymount. Names Kevin Young. Has no J to speak of. Makes mistakes like the guys we used to recruit for Tulsa. But he tries so hard, Norm. You've never seen a guy with the kind of energy he has."

So, Norm says, "What is he? 6-9 and 250?"

And Bill says, "Well, not exactly. He's 6-8, well, we say he is, but he's more like 6-6, and, um, well, he weighs 180...after a big meal."

New York Norm doesn't bust out crying. He doesn't whine. He knows Self has seduced him yet again into coming to his rescue.

So New York Norm rescues Self's broad shoulders and slender girlie fingers during the year of Self's middle aged crazies.

New York Norm creates something called a Block Party. He turns Jeff Withey from skillful shot blocker polished by Danny Manning into nothing short of a shot blocking savant the covers up all manner of blow byes. And he turns Kevin Young in a whirling dervish, perpetual motion machine that perfects the art of going over the back of bigger bigs to average an outlandish number of reebs for a guy thin enough to walk between Venetian blinds without touching them.

Thanks to New York Norm Self gets to keep his string of conference titles going.

Self should have kissed his feet and given him a year off for that big man coaching performance,

But he didn't.

Instead, Self says, "Normie, I've got a hole at the five the size of a fully dilated elephant in child birth. I let everything ride on Kaleb Tarshizzonme last recruiting season and true to his name he took a dump on me and signed with Stumpy Miller in Tempe. I got zip, zero, null set for an experienced post man. Landen Lucas might be ready two seasons from now. And Jamari, well, he's a 3 with no gun playing out of position at the 5, because, well, because I'm queer for guys that can explode out of any position on defense. You dig, Normie?"

And Norm says, "Don't do me no favors, Oakie Boy, I shoulda stayed in Gainesville."

Bill gets all slit eyed and smiley and says, "New York Norm, I need you to pull a rabbit outta your Borsalino, caprice? Whatcha got for me?"

New York Norm says, "Well, m!@#$%f!@#$%^r, how does a 7-0 soccer player from Cameroon stashed away for a rainy day under Donovan's nose sound?"

Self says, "Next thing I know you're going to be saying I'm young and single and Olivia Wilde wants cell phone sex with a spokesman for the hair club for men. Get outta here, Normie. Donovan's got Florida iced, and if he doesn't, then Leonard over in Talahassee does."

New York Norm, who has been keeping Joel Embiid in his hip pocket, in case Self melts down from the middle age crazies, says, "Alright, Bill, order some pizza for the Gulf Stream and lets get down to the Orange Panhandle ASAP. I got a guy you gotta see."

Cut to Joel Embiid's gym and Self's jaw hanging down through the bleacher all the way to the floor.

"New York Norm, you been holding' out on me," Self says. "New York Norm, you've been hiding the next Hakeem from me. New York Norm, this guy is Hakeem with Baryshnikov feet. Full press him. I don't care if Donovan does have him locked up. Unlock him. Get me a meeting with the kids mother. Get me ten minutes with his mother and I will land him without a net. I will have him in the boat and you can coach him up yourself, see? Make it happen, New York Norm. Make it happen!!!"

So he does.

And you know what?

New York Norm coaches the kid from Cameroon UP!!!!!

By late December Joel Embiid is being mentioned for Numero Uno in the draft. Joel Embiid is blocking and altering like Withey with a equatorial accent. Joel Embiid is making free throws. Joel Embiid is entertaining the national media with lion and shark killing stories. Joel Embiid was last seen going for a walk on the Kaw River.

And New York Norm ain't letting any grass grow under his feet either.

Next up Miles Turner!

@brooksmd: LOL!

"It is a very mixed blessing to be brought back from the dead."
--Kurt Vonnegut

Regarding "road woes," there is a simple solution. Our guys are so green, just tell them all are games are at home and they wouldn't know the difference.

At first I thought the black octagon was some KSU hacker's idea of a joke, but then I realized we own their crib and they wouldn't use that for sabotage. :-)

@drgnslayr Be careful what you wish for! Adidas market researchers are almost certainly monitoring this site jointly with NSA . :-)

@ParisHawk merci.

An electric candle.

A pear-shaped basketball.

A battery-powered battery charger (battery not included).

A Bruce Weber inflatable love doll.

Two pairs of toes socks.

A taser that shorts.

Cyanide-cured smokeless tobacco.

Radioactive Japanese tuner car parts.

A year's subscription to "Subscription Free Living."

A group-on for putting out a contract on my neighbor's cat.

An incomplete anthology of "The Complete Book of Collecting."

An outdoor basketball goal that shatters below 32F.

A hearing aid programmed only to pick up silence.

A heart monitor an amoeba.

Barack Obama's new book: "Ten Helpful Hints on How to Close Torture Prisons."

Bill Self's book on "How to Maintain Eye Contact with Courtside Reporters."

Jerrance Howard's book entitled: "My Life Without Snacks as told to Tiny Gallon."

A crotchless business suit.

A case of Mexican coke made in Juarez with high fructose corn syrup for Americans.

A trick pistol that shoots backwards.

A book of quotations by Harpo Marx.

Matt Lauer's Guide to Hair Retention.

A cell phone ring of Neville Chamberlain's "Peace in Our Time" speech.

A reversible travel belt with a microchip that shouts "You're FAT!!!" if you eat too much at Il Latini in Fiorenze.

But I'm keeping the thigh/calve augmenters that allow me to jump like I could when I was 19.

(Note: All fiction. No malice.)

The icon on my phone's desktop linking to KUBuckets is a grim Black octagon. Can we get a nice KU Buckets icon for phones?

Allows log on and off from iMac desktop but not from iPhone. Can u resolve this issue? TIA

• Robert Graham signature long sleeve warm ups--insides of cuffs and collars have patterns and colors that clash ironically with crimson and blue.

• retro uniform with POPP and Muck Fizzou slogans repeated in many fonts and scales.

• crimson and blue tie dye uniform with basketball sole sandals.

• jet black skin tight spandex one piece uniform with Kansas in blue and a crimson Exo-jock.

• clear cellophane shorts.

• quick wicking desert camo with Coors hydration bladder.

• police style shirts and shorts with a utility belt for rebounding taser and night stick for fighting over screens.

• shorts with CBernie's kisser on the front and Sheahon's on the back.

• signature Travel Smith away uniforms with half a dozen hidden zippered security pockets and an interior waist belt for passports.

• signature JPeterman warm ups recalling making love in a French country inn with a provocatively memorable heir to a Dijon mustard fortune that liked foreplay standing on a bidet while reciting Cocteau and eating rillette with a walnut liqueur from Savigny l' Beaunne.

(Note: all fiction. No malice.)

@HighEliteMajor Copy and paste.

@KirkIsMyHinrich Double oops!

@wissoxfan83 Oops!