Ok so , seeing I hurt Ret's feelings he feels the need to private message me and pretty much tries to blackball me and threatens by saying how I've told a lot of stories about myself and morals and he felt like that either it was time to tell People myself about my true moral - -OR as he says he would tell about why I was incarerated , - -I have no problem telling why.
Am I proud of why I was ? - -Hell no, do I expect anyone to understand ? Especially here, - - HELL NO. so if this what gets Ret's rocks off then cool , I'll let him have some self gratification enjoy there buddy.
You see back in the year 2005 I was sent to prison for indecent liberities with a minor under the age of 14. A lot going on through this time. I have never made any excuses for what happened , because there ARE NO EXCUSES for what happened. I destroyed one of my Daughters trust - - she will NEVER be able to trust again. - - I've had people say well people make mistakes , people change. Now while yes I have changed - -This still haunts me for what I did - there is not a day that I don't regret those times , but again I don't look for anybody's forgiveness - I don't want there forgiveness.
That was in 2005, I did 5 1/2 years in Hutch behind the walls in Maximum security , I did my time and was released in 2010, with no problems. I went through classes. I was on Parole for 3 years with an ankle bracelet My parole officers, my counselers ALL said I had done really well. - -
After I got out , I had friends that was friends before I went in. - -I told them after I got out , I said to them what had happened and said if you don't want nothing to do with me because of this , if you don't want to be friends after this I totally understand - and to the Person they ALL said NO they were still my friends and would always be friends, and they said they were sorry. I said I don't need you to be sorry for me - -I don't want you to be sorry for me, if your sorry for anybody then be sorry for her. I told them I appreciated there understanding for me. - But for what I did there was NO EXCUSE
I told my wife of soon to be 10 years right from the start , I told her that I had something she needed to know , and I told her again if you don't want anything to do with me after this I fully understand. - -She to said she appreciated me with being forward. I told her that I thought that there was going to be anything between the two of us then she needed to know EVERYTHING , not hiding anything. she appreciated that.
My Step daughters know why I was sent to prison, they have accepted me. I'm around my grand kids ALL the time. They both have said do you really think I would allow you around the kids - - watch them by yourself if we didn't trust you? - They have accepted me , my Grand kids mean the world to me. - All my Neighbors here where I live know I've been to Prison and they know why, they have kids. NONE of them feel threatened by me they have all told me. - Again they have said if we felt you was a threat/ a problem no way would you be around our kids. They actually love me , I got some that call me their brother/family. Ret come talk your shit around here - -see how they respond to you when you get on your pedestal see what kind of reaction you get from them, you may not like it to well. - - I've been here in the /Neighborhood for 13 years not ONE SINGLE PROBLEM with the Neighbors or Police. - - I'm doing well and have moved on. I've been out for 15 years and not even ONE speeding ticket or any other encounter and I STILL have family - -I STILL have as many friends as I need.
When this happened I was at the lowest point that a guy could get in his life. I had went through the Divorce - - -I had just lost my Mom - - -I/we had just been through a Bankruptcy - -I had gotten involved deep in drugs - I was lost , I was looking for love any kind of affection, IT WAS NOT RIGHT. - -so I touched where I shouldn't touch - and I have regretted it from the time these things happened. - - It is in the past , I CAN'T change the past. - -do I regret - -hell ya I regret it, the Counseler told me right off because while I was in had to go to class and the 1st stage to recovery is admitting guilt/acceptance - - having Empathy, I DO HAVE EMPATHY .
you wanna know how bad I felt for what had happened for what I had done - - I was ready to end my life for what I had done to my little girl. - -I woke up one day , called in to work to my boss I wasn't coming in - -I was gonna kill myself. hung up from him went over to the liquor store bought two fifths of bourbon, came back my boss pulled up and I told him to back the fuck up as I put a knife to my throat - he said OK. - went in the mobile home and promptly ha a 2 1/2 hour stand off with the police. Kept asking the Negioater all I wanted to do was talk to my brother. - In the end they told me the reason they didn't let me was because they thought if they did that I actually would of followed through. That whole scenario ended with me cutting the Negoiaters hand. He tried reaching through the window to get my knife -- I pulled back and sliced his hand. - -He or they didn't press charges for that as he said it was as much his fault as it was mine.
It's been 15 years since I've been out. I've been doing good. I miss my daughter, and I pay every day for what I did, but I understand. It's my Daughter that I feel bad for, I wish I could tell her how sorry I am , this is what I live with Every day I wake up, there is not a day that goes by without thinking about her.
So there it is, RET felt the need that he was going to black mail me - -oh how he was going to tell everyone here if I didn't do it. - - he feels the need to direct message me on here and say that if I didn't tell then he would. - -he says I could either do that - -OR JUST LEAVE see I don't do well with threats, so you got me to tell Ret,and I will still strive forward. I will never look back , looking back in the past does no good. - I've made peach with People - - the People that matter, I can't change the past. I can only live for today. I can only give thanks o my maker for allowing me to open my eyes for yet another day and try to prove myself worthy.
Now Ret these guys may not want to associate with me - -that's ok I understand. Yet they know I've told the story, now hope that makes you happy. I'm not hiding anything, never have never will. Really didn't think that my personal life pertained to this site. I'm still here and as long as I am I will voice my views - - my opinions and I will always remain a member of Jay Hawk Nation whether it's here or somewhere else. If that made you feel more of a MAN by direct messaging me then you really are A LITTLE LITTLE MAN , you get butt hurt by what someone says you resort to tatics such as this? - - God help you.
As far as the rest of you guys, I will always consider you as good friends here and knowligible ones at that. hope you all have a great day - just stay safe. yet as always ROCK CHALK ALL DAY LONG BABY